Some Churchill Favorites

June 29, 2012

in Whatever

The word for the day is paraprosdokian.

A paraprosdokian is a sentence in which the latter part is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. They are usually humorous, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis. Enjoy.

1.   Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2.   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, it’s still on my list.

3.   Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4.   If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5.   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6.   War does not determine who is right – only who is left . . .

7.   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8.   They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9.   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put Doctor.

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute if you want to skydive a second time.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.

It’s family reunion time again. I’ll be at the crown jewel of the Tennessee state park system, Fall Creek Falls, for the next nine days. Don’t feel sorry for me. The reunion is for my wife’s family. I can easily get lost, and we usually only have a bit under 80 show up.

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Tahlia

Touche. Solid arguments. Keep up the good work.

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