Here is my small tribute to all of the fellow members of my gender for Father’s Day.

Why it’s great to be a guy.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
You can open all of your own jars.
You can use a public bathroom alone.
When clicking through the channels you don’t have to stop on every scene of someone crying.
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You have a normal, healthy relationship with your mother.
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
Flowers fix everything.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Car mechanics will always tell you the truth.
Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking “He must be mad at me.”
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color . . . all seasons.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
You don’t pass on dessert, them mooch off of someone else’s.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

Behave yourself . . . or not.